Chapter Forty-One — Packing Up

Su Yihui’s first day of school had arrived.

He had previously applied to an art college in Jiangxi province, scraping just above the admissions threshold. Yet, faced with the high tuition fees and the myriad expenses for materials required by his studies, he began to reconsider his decision.

In his mind, school seemed more like a disaster waiting to happen.

Every year, hundreds of thousands applied to art colleges, but only a handful ever made a name for themselves.

What’s more, he now had a reason he could not abandon. He enjoyed his current life.

Yishu dragged the suitcase out from under the bed, treading softly as she carried it to the balcony and beat the dust from its surface. She stood it upright and removed the non-woven cover. The silver aluminum frame shimmered brilliantly in the sunlight. The suitcase had been well cared for; there was scarcely a noticeable scratch on its surface.

Hoisting the suitcase over the threshold, she extended the handle and rolled it a few times, only to find one of the wheels moved sluggishly. She crouched down for a closer look—one of the wheels was badly worn. The suitcase had been in use for seven or eight years; if not for overloading it during the last move, pushing it beyond its limits, it might have lasted another four years without issue.

Everything needed to be prepared, yet now there was no time left. Yihui was to report to school the day after tomorrow.

She returned to the bedroom, changed her clothes, and hurried to the commercial district to buy a new twenty-eight-inch suitcase. It was marked at three hundred and eighty yuan, a full fifty yuan more expensive than the online price. Had she realized a few days earlier, she wouldn’t have spent the extra money.

Dragging the deep-blue aluminum suitcase, she squeezed onto the crowded bus with difficulty.

Yihui liked blue; most of his clothes and belongings were blue. Yet blue suitcases were hard to find in physical stores, which mostly carried black or silver. Yishu had scoured several large supermarkets and luggage shops before finally finding one.

Back at Jinlan Residence, she took a few pieces of summer clothing she’d bought online down from the balcony drying rack. Yihui’s high school had required students to wear uniforms, forbidding private attire, which had saved them considerable money on clothing. Not that he cared much for dressing up, anyway. With classes on Saturdays and only occasional visits home on Sundays, even the finest clothes would have had no opportunity to be worn. Besides, who would he dress up for?

For the past three months, he’d been wearing clothes from two years ago; the collars of his undershirts had lost their elasticity and hung loosely, while the once-blue fabric had faded to a pale, washed-out shade.

In addition to three sets of summer clothes, Yishu also bought two sets of autumn wear. Autumn had officially begun, and in another month, after the National Day holiday, the temperature would drop sharply. Out in the world, one ought to dress decently.

People respect your attire before they respect you.

“Jie, you don’t have to help me pack.” Yihui returned from work to find Yishu bustling in the living room, hurriedly organizing his luggage. He couldn’t help but say, “Anyway, I…”

But he couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Anyway, what?” Yishu turned to glance at him, then busied herself again with the pile of items.

“Nothing!” Yihui quickly distanced himself. “I mean, I can pack for myself.”

“I’m happy you got into college,” Yishu said, taking his backpack from his hand and hanging it on the back of a chair. “I’m almost done packing.” She fell into a moment of melancholy. Yun City and Jiangxi were five or six hundred kilometers apart—four whole years, and it would be difficult for them to see each other again. “Take care of yourself when you get there. If someone bullies you, avoid them if you can. Most people nowadays are only children, growing up doted on by their parents, so they can be selfish and unwilling to yield.”

Her words left a sour ache in Yihui’s heart; painful memories surged like a tide, submerging him and leaving him struggling to breathe.

How could he tell his sister that he wasn’t planning to go to university at all?

When she received his university acceptance letter, the happiness shining on her face was something he hadn’t seen in six years. The next day, after work, she even went to a phone shop on the pedestrian street to buy him a three-thousand-yuan flagship smartphone. As for her own phone, it was a mid-range model she’d only replaced three years ago after using her previous flip phone for five years until it was scrapped. Her phone often ran out of battery after only half a day.

Yihui nodded heavily, the weight of guilt pressing down on his head like a thousand pounds. “I will,” he said in a low voice. “Jie, do you really hope I’ll go to college?”

Yishu was briefly stunned, thinking he was just afraid of leaving home, and didn’t overthink it. “Of course I hope you’ll go to college. You don’t know how hard it is to find a job nowadays. With only a degree below college level, you can only get work as a waiter or something similar. You’re a young man—within five or six years you’ll want to start a family. Without a respectable job or a decent income, no girl’s parents will look at you seriously.”

At this, she suddenly thought of Yan Lu and Lu Xugao. Yan’s mother had only separated them because Lu Xugao was unknown and penniless. In truth, she couldn’t call it mercenary; everyone hoped their children would be safe and well provided for. Money, after all, played an enormous role in life.

Yihui listened, his feelings a complicated mixture. Over the years, his own vague thoughts had become clearer. Marriage, starting a family, raising children—these were not things he had never considered, but things he did not want to consider, even feared to.

He always felt there was still time—take life one day at a time.

That kind of life was not what he wanted.

What he truly longed for was a life that society would never easily accept. That was the real reason for his gloom and discouragement. Tang Chao was only part of it; more significant was the invisible pressure of society itself.

“If…” Yihui emphasized, “I’m just saying if—if I didn’t go to university, would you be very sad?”

Yishu stared at him in disbelief, a sharp pain stabbing her heart. “You’re not really thinking of not going, are you? Don’t do anything foolish, you…”

“Jie, calm down!” Yihui said urgently. “I’m just speaking hypothetically. How could I possibly not go?” The last three words were weak; he had already decided not to go, but now he had no choice but to lie to her.

It pained him to do so.

Yishu let out a breath of relief. “Don’t even joke about that. I know what you’re worried about, but don’t—your sister can manage.” Her tone was unsteady.

Seeing her bitter expression, Yihui swallowed all the words he wanted to say. He crouched down and began packing the remaining items.

When most of the packing was done, Yishu went to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Only three days left, and then she would return to her solitary evenings.

A few bowls of brightly colored vegetables sat on the table, but neither of them had much appetite.

Each was lost in their own thoughts.

“Eat a little more,” Yishu said, picking up a piece of scrambled egg and placing it in Yihui’s bowl. “You’re too thin.” Looking at him more closely, she added, “It seems your cheeks have filled out a little compared to two months ago.”

Yihui put down his chopsticks and pinched his cheek, his lips twitching.

Had he really gained weight? He could hardly believe it. But these days, he’d eaten plenty of good food at the restaurant, thanks to the owner, Cheng Shuguang, who cared for him and whom he couldn’t bear to refuse.

“I’ll take good care of myself,” Yihui suddenly looked up, shifting his gaze from the table to Yishu’s face. “Jie, you should take care of yourself, too. I… when I’m at university, I’ll work part-time so you won’t need to send me money. I spend very little anyway, and I’ve saved some over the past few months—at least enough for the first semester. You always focus your life around me, but now it’s time to think about yourself. He… though I haven’t known him long, I can tell by instinct he’s someone worth trusting your life to. It’s rare to find someone you love, and luckier still when they love you in return. When you had your accident, I could hear his desperation over the phone. When he came to our house, I caught him looking at you with eyes as clear as moonlight.” Yihui swallowed and continued, “I’m nineteen now, an adult for over a year. I understand almost everything I should. You don’t have to keep treating me like a child. I’d rather you lived a little more selfishly.”

Yishu stared in shock, dazed. Her once reticent brother was suddenly eloquent, speaking at length. These words were not something he could have strung together on impulse—they must have been buried in his heart for many years.

She had a faint sense that there must be many more secrets hidden deep within him. Today was just the tip of the iceberg. If, one day, he were to reveal the rest, it would surely cause a storm.