Chapter Fifteen – Confession

“Are you still living in Yunxi?” Xu Shixi faced the setting sun, his eyes shining with the same golden glow as the twilight.

“I’ve moved to an apartment closer to the company.”

“Jinlan Residence.”

“How did you know?”

How did I know? I just did.

The day Yishu moved to Jinlan Residence, she only called Yan Lu to help. Her home looked as if it had been ransacked—empty and bare. She packed her few clothes into a suitcase, stuffed all her small belongings into another cardboard box, and then officially settled into the temporary new home she had secured two days before.

Later, she unexpectedly took over as the store manager from Guo Yamei and was transferred to the Textile City.

Though, truth be told, it should have been her position all along.

But the new place required half a year’s rent to be paid upfront. If she broke the lease early, only thirty percent of the rent would be refunded. What was worse, the contract clearly stated it couldn’t be sublet to a third party.

So Yishu began her daily commute between the new apartment and Textile City. The only stroke of luck was that a 708 bus stopped right outside her community and went straight there. In retrospect, it might have been for the best—the city center’s rent was outrageously high, and if she was transferred back to Kaisheng one day, moving again would be a hassle.

“Did you not go back that night?”

Which night?

Was it that night?

One didn’t know how to ask, the other didn’t know what to say.

What Xu Shixi really wanted to ask about was the night he missed their meeting. Worried about her, he had driven to Yishu’s place between nine and eleven in the evening. The number of people passing in and out of the building dwindled until the entrance was deserted, but she never returned.

As Yishu waited for Xu Shixi to drive out from the parking lot, she gazed at the endless flow of cars in the city, the crowds hurrying and jostling at the bus stop. Turning around, she felt the world spin.

“Yishu…” Xu Shixi focused on the road, a particular aura rippling around him. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

It was the first time he called her by her given name, omitting the surname. Between people like them, it was more than a little ambiguous.

Yishu’s heart fluttered.

Xu Shixi drove steadily.

Do I have a boyfriend? “No, I don’t,” she replied.

She didn’t dare meet his gaze. She tilted her head slightly to the right, looking at her reflection in the side mirror.

Suddenly, the air in the car grew suffocating. Both of them unconsciously began to breathe faster.

She rolled down the window, letting the wind rush in, cooling the heat on her cheeks.

“Then may I be your boyfriend?” Xu Shixi turned his head, trembling slightly, eager to see her expression and hear her answer.

“Isn’t this… a little sudden?” A rosy flush spread across Yishu’s face.

She had imagined scenes like this countless times.

A place with flowers, the sea, blue sky and white clouds, and dazzling lights, just the two of them.

Your eyes see only me, and mine see only you.

But these romantic, unrealistic scenes belonged only to soap operas. Yishu had never wished for them to happen in real life.

She preferred practical, honest conversations.

Like now.

Only, was it too casual?

She stole a glance at Xu Shixi. When she first met him, she’d only noticed a maturity and steadiness that twenty-year-old boys lacked; she hadn’t paid much attention to his looks. But now, it was clear that “charming” alone was not enough to describe him. The sunset illuminated half his face, deepening his resolute features. His high, straight nose sculpted his face into a living statue. His fluttering eyelashes refracted slender rays of light. Even the gentle upward curve of his lips when closed exuded masculinity and confidence. His Adam’s apple moved within the collar of his shirt.

Surely, a man like this must have many admirers. Am I truly the lucky one? Yishu’s hesitation held back the words that almost escaped her lips.

“It’s all right. There’s no need to answer right away.” Xu Shixi’s voice was cautious.

He was testing the waters too. A thirty-one-year-old man values results; a twenty-one-year-old enjoys the process.

“I would like that.” Yishu’s tense body leaned forward, her voice a soft whisper, repeating, “I would like that.”

The car stopped abruptly, and the vehicles behind, blocked in, honked impatiently for them to move.

No U-turns allowed here.

And I won’t allow you to turn back, either.

The passing signboards and billboards beside the road seemed to bear witness to their moment. Even the exaggerated slogans instantly transformed into sweet vows.

Yishu thought, if this car’s destination is happiness, let it keep going, never stopping.

Because happiness is often fleeting. If you’re not careful, it slips away.

The car stopped at the entrance to Listening Wind Wetland Park. Night had fallen, and the moonlight spilled cold, silvery beams through the gaps in the clouds, giving everything a hazy beauty.

The stone wall at the entrance was engraved with the park’s name, covered with thick ivy and vines.

He walked ahead, she followed. His outstretched hand hovered in the air, hesitated, and then quietly withdrew.

He’d planned to say those words in this peaceful, beautiful setting.

But somehow, he’d said them ahead of time, disrupting his carefully arranged plan.

Perhaps, love can never be measured by logic.

Yishu walked behind him, her mind finally clearing after the earlier confusion. Surrounded by the tranquil greenery, she could at last think calmly.

Xu Shixi was indeed a man one could easily become enamored with, even lose herself to. Surely, women were never in short supply around him. Thinking of his friend Qiao Siming’s suave ways, she wondered if Xu Shixi was simply acting on a whim. Otherwise, why would someone like me be the one he favors? She could think of nothing in herself worth his pause.

But I am willing… I am willing to try.

The moonlight shimmered on the water, dividing the surface into artistic fragments even at night.

Amidst the reeds, a boatman rowed slowly by. Yishu and Shixi sat at opposite ends, gazing at their reflections in each other’s eyes. Shyly, she turned away, trailing her hand through the water.

The wind scattered the clouds, letting the moon shine down unhindered.

Night deepened. They didn’t have time to tour all of Listening Wind Wetland Park.

But perhaps that didn’t matter.

Did it?

On the way back, Yishu looked at Shixi several times. Even when he caught her gaze, she didn’t look away as quickly as before.

After that, he took on a new duty: driving her home every day.

At last, you became my boyfriend, and I became your girlfriend. Lying in bed, Yishu replayed the day’s simple, almost plain, confession. The nearly-shared kiss at their parting.

She didn’t care for complicated rituals; she preferred to pour her feelings into the little things of daily life. Passionate love never lasts as long as a gentle, steady stream.

After she and Yan Lu made peace, they frequently went shopping together. Sometimes, after an argument with her mother, Yan Lu had nowhere to go and shamelessly came to stay at Yishu’s place.

Yishu, having no other choice, eventually made a spare key for her. And Yan Lu’s frequent stayovers—and the odd late-night return—became new fodder for her mother’s complaints. But with a new relationship just beginning, uncertain and fragile, Yishu wasn’t ready for the world to know.

Yan Lu’s overnight visits increased, and Yishu became the person Yan’s mother sought out most often. Though Mrs. Yan had a volatile temper, she was always restrained with Yishu.

From the stories she heard from Aunt Qiao Siming, she decided that Qiao was the kind of man one could entrust her whole life to. In her words: handsome, talented, wealthy—a paragon in every way.

But was that really so? At least, Yishu remained neutral.

Yan Lu, however, disagreed.

“Yishu, I know you and Lulu are close friends, and as her friend, you should consider her well-being, not just let her do as she pleases.” Mrs. Yan lifted her coffee, stirred it gently, and sipped. “She’s sabotaging her own happiness, and you seem to be helping her down the wrong path.”

Yishu could no longer listen. “How do you define happiness, Auntie?”

Mrs. Yan brightened, “A woman’s happiness is finding a good man to marry, having a son, and devoting herself to husband and child. That’s happiness!”

Is that really happiness?

Should a woman’s happiness depend entirely on a man’s gifts, even his charity?

Yishu found it strange; it was the twenty-first century, after all. How could anyone still think so feudal? Mrs. Yan was born in the last century, but she was just over fifty—how could her ideas be so outdated?

“Auntie, times are changing. What you think is right may not fit the needs of society today,” Yishu said, deliberately softening her tone. “Yan Lu has her own ideas. She’s twenty-five; she knows what she wants. I believe she’ll make the right choice. I’ve never interfered with her life.”

“So you’re saying I’m unreasonable, that I’m being harsh with my own daughter.” Mrs. Yan’s face fell. “I thought you were Lulu’s good friend and would look out for her. Clearly, I was wrong about you.”

Watching Mrs. Yan stalk away in anger, Yishu couldn’t help but worry for Yan Lu. The warmth and gentleness she’d always shown in Yishu’s presence had dissolved into nothing just moments before. As her daughter, Yan Lu must bear a burden few could understand.

No wonder she’d been so down lately, sometimes even drinking to drown her sorrows.

Sunlight filtered through the trees outside the café, casting scattered rays inside. It seemed a lazy afternoon, yet tinged with sadness.

Yishu thought of her own mother—a woman gentle as water. In her memory, she had never seen her lose her temper. All the grievances, all the endurance, all the insults, she bore in silence. When she could bear no more, she shed silent tears.

Perhaps, that was why she left this world so early.