Chapter Six: Live for Yourself

After her meal, Shen Nanyuan wandered leisurely around Shaohua Courtyard to help her digestion, taking the opportunity to better acquaint herself with the place. Apart from the courtyards where Shen Yi and the Old Madam resided, Shaohua Courtyard was the finest. In its rear garden lay a small pond, and at its center stood a petite pavilion. Seeing her head in that direction, Qingrui immediately said, “I’ll fetch some fish food right away.”

The afternoon sunlight was gentle, a light breeze caressing her face and stirring her dark hair. Walking toward her was Xiao Yan, and as his gaze fell upon her soft, fair features, the rise and fall of her long lashes seemed to echo the limpid clarity of her eyes—eyes as delicate and enchanting as the waters in spring or autumn, surpassingly lovely and tender.

Shen Nanyuan saw him as well. When he was about to kneel in greeting, she quickly stepped forward, but the youth took a step back to avoid her hand, then knelt to the ground, his voice low, “Young Miss.”

Her hand hovered midair, and seeing him kneeling before her, her heart gave an uneasy lurch. “Get up,” she said.

“Thank you, Young Miss.”

He kept his head bowed, concealing any emotion on his face. Shen Nanyuan, growing uneasy, pressed her lips together and said, “I told you before, there’s no need for such formalities with me. I dislike these things.”

“Young Miss is born to privilege, and I am but a servant. I dare not overstep.”

Pinching the bridge of her nose, her tone grew firmer. “When you’re with me, you’ll do as I say. If I dislike it and you insist on doing it, that is truly overstepping. Do you understand?”

The male lead was certainly quite stubborn.

Frowning, she inadvertently met the youth’s gaze. His eyes were as deep as a pool, as dark and mesmerizing as ink, so startling that her heart tightened and would not settle.

But in an instant, he lowered his eyes again, answering respectfully, “I understand.”

Shen Nanyuan looked away to the red and white koi darting in the pond. She had always known the male lead’s appearance was extraordinary. The original novel described it well: the reason Shen Jinyu so tormented him was because of his looks.

Because his beauty was too remarkable, many maids secretly harbored feelings for him. When Shen Jinyu discovered this by chance, he perceived the young man as a threat and began to find fault with him at every turn.

It seemed, after all, that being too attractive was not always a blessing.

She asked softly, “What is your name?”

Shen Nanyuan knew the male lead was called Xiao Yan—a name given by the servants who found him, simply taken from the character on the object he carried. Later, when he was found and returned to the palace, his true name was Gu Shengyan.

Because the heroine met him when he was called Xiao Yan, she always called him that out of habit, even after his identity changed.

As expected, the youth, with his eyes lowered and long lashes casting shadows, answered, “My name is Xiao Yan.”

“All right. I see,” Shen Nanyuan replied. After a moment, she added, “For the next few days, rest well in your room. If you need anything, tell Uncle Li. Everything else can wait until you’ve recovered.”

She glanced at him, fearing he would refuse out of humility, so she deliberately hardened her tone, “I don’t believe in making the injured work.”

Xiao Yan paused, then bowed slightly, “Yes, Young Miss.”

“That’s enough, you may go,” she said, her gaze shifting past him to Qingrui, who was approaching with the fish food. “Take care and recover well.”

Her voice, carried by the breeze, was as clear and melodious as an oriole singing in the valley, pure and bright as her eyes. Xiao Yan lowered his gaze, bowed again, and withdrew.

Qingrui placed the fish food into Shen Nanyuan’s hand, then looked back at the youth’s frail figure and sighed, “Miss, don’t you think he lives too cautiously?”

It was exhausting even to watch.

“If he didn’t, he might be beaten or scolded even more,” Shen Nanyuan said, sprinkling some food onto the water and watching the koi scramble for it. “Remember to tell Uncle Li not to forget his decoction every day. Make sure he watches him drink it.”

“Yes, Miss,” Qingrui replied, then looked at her. “Madam sent Qiu Yue to ask you to come over in a while.”

Upon hearing this, Shen Nanyuan scattered all the fish food onto the water and stood up. “Let’s go now.”

It was certainly because Madam had heard from Shen Yi about her wish to break off the engagement with Jun Ci and wanted to question her.

After all, the original Shen Nanyuan was so enamored of Jun Ci that she would marry no one else. Everyone knew this. For her to suddenly seek to break the engagement was astonishing.

Moreover, the dissolution of such a union between two noble families would involve many complications.

Still, she was much favored in the Duke’s Household. Even Shen Yi had said nothing this morning, so Madam would not blame her—she was likely just worried.

On the way, Shen Nanyuan ran through every possible question Madam might ask and composed her answers. Yet just as she entered Madam’s courtyard, laughter rang out from within.

“Hahaha, my sister has finally come to her senses! How could Jun Ci ever be worthy of her? I’ve never liked him…”

“When your sister comes in, don’t mention Jun Ci again. She may have moved on, but she once cared for him—I don’t want her to feel hurt.”

Hearing this, Shen Nanyuan paused. The servant outside, seeing her, raised his voice on purpose, “Young Miss!”

The voices inside stopped abruptly.

She entered, hands folded before her as she bent her knees in a graceful curtsy. “Mother, brother.”

She raised her head slowly. Before her, Madam’s eyes brimmed with worry and affection as she beckoned, “Yuan’er, come here.”

The man standing to the side was Shen Sinian, the eldest son of the Duke’s Household and her brother, who had always doted on her. Dressed in dark robes, he stood tall and noble, his features as refined as a scholar’s despite being a military man. His face was radiant, as though something wonderful had happened.

Shen Nanyuan went to sit beside Madam, who took her hand warmly. For a moment, she stilled; though the blood between them was not truly hers, she felt a strange ache in her heart and her eyes grew hot.

“Mother.”

“Yuan’er, has something been troubling you lately?”

“No.” Shen Nanyuan understood what Madam feared. She shook her head gently, then smiled, her lips curving softly. “I’ve simply decided that, from now on, I must live for myself.”